Paying Attention to What you Want

I have paid microscopically close attention, all of my life, to what others think and want. I have listened and given everyone around me, since I was very little, what they wanted or needed. I have done what others wanted or what I believed they wanted according to what their previous orders were resulting in me becoming a person that was a collection of everyone’s opinion I had absorbed as my own.
Of course this is no one else s fault, but my own. We are not trapped as we have become. We can change our present condition, thoughts, habits or beliefs. I have said before that for me to really start listening to what I wanted and change my beliefs I had to mover far away from the tribe, my family of origin. The chatter in my head, of my families opinions, was enough to deal with, let alone the actual words coming out of their mouths.
I wanted to be something drastically different than most of my family. I say, “I wanted to be,” not as a defiance to be the opposite from them. Although this desire existed also. I mean that what they were, trying to tell me I was, was not who I was nor did I desire to be so.
I wanted more out of life. I didn't want to be a victim like most of my family. And the ones who were not victims were the ones perpetrating upon the victims. I would not be either. I, like many, was trained as a young child in many different ways to become submissive; fear was used to make me comply. I have been doing heaps of self work over the last couple of years that has culminated into huge changes recently.
Self care has been huge on my list lately. This topic, I believe, will be very prevalent in my work for a while since it has probably been the hugest hurdle of my life. Stepping away from what others want and listening to what I want has been a practice, for me, that has been highly difficult. Why? Because you are often seen as a bitch for doing so. Well I've decided that if it takes being seen as a bitch for a while then so be it.
I have hurdled lately, over quite a few chasms. I had been a heavy smoker for 18 years. I hated this fact, I hated smoking, I hated the way others looked at me as I smoked and most of all I hated myself for not having control over this seemingly little thing. Smoking was reeking havoc with my self-esteem and I was chastising myself constantly to ad insult to injury. On top of this nasty self-esteem robbing addiction my body was extremely out of shape and I was not happy with how I looked and felt.
With all my work on changing my thoughts over the last few years using Law of Attraction and focus, etc. I had been focusing a lot on visualizing myself as a healthy, strong, lean and a non-smoker. I had made videos of me looking exactly how I wanted. I had done these kind of exercise for short periods many years ago with little effect. The key is to do it for longer periods consistently. I had also been stating to the universe what I wanted over and over and over. I wanted to be healthy, strong, lean and smoke free.
There is a fallacy within Law of Attraction/Manifesting and that is if you focus hard enough and long enough you will suddenly have the body condition you want. The truth is that if you focus hard enough, long enough , ask for what you want, all that you need to accomplish the condition will suddenly appear. Such as the right book, for you, to help you stop smoking or the right diet or exercise program, for you to accomplish the physical condition you desire.
Just like when you ask for the business result you desire, the right person shows up to assist you in creating the business result you want.
Now I know that this seems to be off the track but bare with me.
When I finally put everyone else s opinions and wants aside and I finally focused on what Michelle wanted I was able to manifest more efficiently. My mind was not inundated with what others wanted it was drenched in what Michelle wanted and my energy began pulsating so powerfully and sending out the refined and defined signal for exactly what I wanted; and I have been smoke free for the first time in 18 years, easily, for over 4 months and I have shed 25 lbs. And I am stronger.
I am stronger, I feel amazing. I love myself so much that I could never ever do what someone else wants instead of what I want ever again.
I am one thin, strong, smoke free happy bitch!